oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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