It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
