Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
