All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
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Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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