my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
