i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
