girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you mean i was at the winter classic?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
