Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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