Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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