Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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