She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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