I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
