he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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