your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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