You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
