barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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