I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
