This girl is more easily done than said...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
