..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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