On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
