Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
