Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
