Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
