I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
