I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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