Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
