I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize