I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
