We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
3pm strippers are depressing
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
