ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
