so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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