Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
