Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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