matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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