Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
