it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
