All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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