No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
