i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
