dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
