So drunk its hurt
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
