i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
