you would pick up someone in the library
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
