glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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