I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
