I got her a Nickelback box set.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
