do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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