third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
