do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
