Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
