look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
