Will you blow on my dice?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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