But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
they need to just BURY HIM!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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