How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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