haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
