his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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