she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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