NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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