Me too!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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