I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
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Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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