walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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