butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
