Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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