He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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